


Learn How To Breathe Again

by nochurproblem



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Bellamy Blake worshiping, Bellamy is a snarky asshole, Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Raven Reyes are Best Friends, F/M, Feels, Friends With Benefits, Minor Jasper Jordan/Maya Vie, Minor Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Minor Raven Reyes/Kyle Wick, Seriously I worship him too much, Smut, artist!Bellamy, artist!Clarke, kinda teacher-student relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-06-04 07:52:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6648754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nochurproblem/pseuds/nochurproblem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She didn't know how many cigarettes he smoked daily.<br/>Actually, she didn't bother to count, but as long as she knew, he always had one on his lips. And she knew it shouldn't, but it turned her on. </p><p>Bellamy smoked cigarettes like he fucked, passionately, greedily and lasciviously."</p><p>Or when Clarke and Bellamy start building something but it's not that simple when you can't let go of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Already Consumed

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the start of a monster. For real, it's gonna be way too big and I'm not good at finishing stuff.. so if you hate incomplete fics I suggest you stop right there.  
> Anyway, enjoy if you're still there!

When Clarke woke up he was sitting down on the edge of the open window.

He only wore pants, a half started sketch on his lap. He was so focused on his drawing he didn't notice her shifting so she could see him entirely. The dim light of dawn was diffuse on his profile, sparkling golden on his olive skin. She took in his dark curls messed up by sleep, his lightly defined muscles, his jaw, the crinkles that appeared on the corner of his eyes when he was concentrating really hard. His paper-pen traveled quickly on the canvas and his other hand dragged a cigarette to his lips regularly.

She didn't know how many cigarettes he smoked daily. Actually, she didn't bother to count, but as long as she knew, he always had one on his lips. And she knew it shouldn't, but it turned her on.

Bellamy smoked cigarettes like he fucked, passionately, greedily and lasciviously.

And she couldn't take her eyes off his mouth when he put it in between his lips, nor when he breathed the smoke out. A jolt of arousal rose up her spine but she did her best to repress it. She already felt sore from last night and she was too tired to do any kind of sport this early in the morning. It was already too hot for her to get back to sleep immediately though, so she kept watching him draw until he stopped with an annoyed huff and threw his stub by the window. She sat down on the bed, feeling sweaty and too sore to get up immediately. His head snapped in her direction. She offered him a small smile. His mouth twitched in his usual crooked smirk.

“Finally waking up princess?” He asked in his impossibly low and husky voice that always made her want to jump him right now and then. Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Finally? It's like 7 am, not really my type of lazy Saturday mornings.” she answered, muffling a yawn before getting out of bed. The movement provoked a throbbing pain in between her legs. When she winced, a smug smile made it's way to Bellamy's lips. She rolled her eyes. “Oh stop it.” He gave her an innocent look and she rolled her eyes once again.

She got carefully to his tiny bathroom, or more like the one meter square of the flat in which someone managed to fit in a shower, toilets and a small sink. How the hell it was even possible, that was a great mystery to her. She took a short shower because of the freezing water this apartment seemed only able to provide, summer and winter alike. It actually helped her to cool down, and though it didn't make the soreness disappear, it helped calming it. She got out with goosebumps and teeth chattering.

When Clarke got in the small kitchen and sat down on the counter separating it from the living room, he still didn't wear a shirt to her greatest pleasure. The living room window was wide open and the fan was on maximum but it still was a furnace in the small apartment. Bellamy was actively making pancakes for both of them, cigarette tugged in his mouth, and coffee was brewing. Both the odors and the way his shoulder blades moved while he was cooking made her mouth water.

He squashed his cigarette in the ashtray and put the plate full of pancakes with the maple syrup on the table. He winked at her before pouring some coffee in the big cup she brought because his were too small to her taste. Clarke cursed him for making her blush like a twelve-year-old teenage girl. He put a huge amount of milk and two sugars in her coffee, just like she liked it, and that made her feel almost happy for a second.

When he handed her the cup she tugged on his shoulders and put her lips greedily on his. The kiss was wild, with clashing teeth and battling tongues, like they always kissed. He put the cup beside her and pulled her closer while her hands lost themselves in his curls. One of his big hands pushed the small of her back so her lower belly was against his and it sent a spark of pleasure in her center. She moaned softly in his mouth which rewarded her with his muscles tensing like they always did when something aroused him. One of his hands started going down, following the path of her spine, passed lightly on her hip before griping her thigh. She arched under his touch and bit his lip gently.

His mouth was hungry on hers and it tasted like cigarettes. He also smelled like them, mixed with a strong smell of sweat and his usual natural musky odor.

She loved it. She loved every part of him. She loved him.

The thing was, he didn't love her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that start was all poetry and shit because I really was in the mood for that when I wrote it.
> 
> Anyway English isn't my native language so if there are some spelling mistakes and all, well, my bad!
> 
> Kudos are really nice but yeah, comments really, that's like so much better.. I didn't understood fic writers asking for comments all the time until I started writing myself, it really is way more gratifying than just kudos! So feel free to comment, I'll answer.


	2. I Just Met You And I Already Hate You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two. Sorry in advance for my obsession with Bellamy's (and Bob Morley's by extension) beauty, it already showed up a bit in the first chapter but the second one is wayyyyyy worse.
> 
> I am beyond redemption I know.

6 months earlier

Of course she noticed him. Who wouldn't? He was attractive, visibly well-built under his long-sleeved fitting black shirt, rocked the black framed glasses like it shouldn't be allowed, had piercing brown-eyes, dark complexion with an impossible (or at least she thought) myriad of freckles all over his nose and cheeks, really nice lips, perfect jawline and messy dark curls you wanted to put your hands in while he fucked you roughly against a wall. Okay maybe she let herself a bit carried on.

But the thing was, as soon as he opened his mouth he wasn't so handsome anymore.

“You know it's impolite to stare and drool all over someone you don't even know princess?”

Clarke would have let herself melt by the sound of his deliciously low and raspy voice if his words weren't so rude and his smirk wasn't so smug. She blushed furiously and glared at him.

“I wasn't staring, you have a piece of food stuck between your teeth.”

She caught a glimpse of him verifying for himself with a surprised look on his stupid face before walking away to the higher desks of the lecture hall, not wanting to see his reaction to her obvious lie. She just couldn't stand this ass being right. He was gorgeous and he knew it. Now she couldn't hate him more and the feminist inside of her hated her for even thinking he was good-looking.

Raven was already there, waving at her enthusiastically from the end of the last row. Clarke crashed down next to her friend with a grunt. _200 box she's going to talk about that new gorgeous fuckboy_ a small voice said in her head.

“Don't think I didn't notice you just talked to that new gorgeous guy!”

_Close enough._

“Reyes, when will you stop being so fucking predictable?”

She threw a look at her partner in crime whose smile only meant troubles. Raven was gorgeous too, she thought, but not in the I-want-to-fuck-you way, though Clarke swung both ways. More like you're-hot-let's-cuddle way. But she mostly thought her friend was handsome because she was beautiful inside, with a heart too big for her body. And that definitely wasn't the case for that jerk.

(boy was she wrong)

“Never ever my friend! Anyway, how is he really?”

Clarke took the time to get her stuff out, letting her best friend stew for a bit just for the pleasure of making her jump impatiently on her seat.

“Awful.” She finally said (spat really) while opening her sketchbook. The shocked expression on Raven's face made her laugh. “Really, how naive can you get before you melt? Every good-looking guy isn't all sugar coat and sweet words when they open their mouth to talk y'know.” Clarke joked.

She started tracing random lines on her sheet with a pen while she watched people arriving. She saw some girls watching the newbie with heart eyes while giggling like preteens. It made her cringe.

“You idiot, I don't care about his personality, I want to know how he looks up-close just so I know whether I put him in my to-do-again list or not!” Clarke snorted and looked up at her friend who greeted her with that cheeky smile of hers.

“Cause he's already in the to-do list?”

“Exactly! So?”

The blonde took in a long breath and looked at him, on the other side of the hall. His dark brown eyes were on her and her breath caught.

_Fuck my life he's hot._

She couldn't get her eyes off him, he was hypnotizing. Her fingers automatically started drawing the edges of his jaw, his full lips before she put down her pen nervously, preventing herself the shame of drawing that jerk.

“He even has his place in your to-do-over-and-over list.” She huffed out.

His eyes narrowed and his smirk was back. She suddenly got the stupid feeling that he heard her, though he was seats away. He winked at her. She raised an eyebrow and wrinkled her nose in what she wanted to look like disgust before watching away the more naturally possible, just so it wouldn't be too obvious she was actually averting his intense gaze.

“Well _you_ are definitely on _his_ list.”

Clarke snapped her head toward her friend, surprised.

“W-what?” She stuttered.

“C'mon, he just looked at you as if he was Draco and you were a very tantalizing green apple.”

“Really, a Potterhead joke?”

She shrugged with a huge smile. “Why not? And this guy's definitely a Slytherin anyway.”

Clarke let out a little laugh and threw a glance at him again. He was turned toward his desk this time, which made it less difficult to get her eyes off him, though she lingered a little bit on his mop of curls. Her fingers desperately wanted to take that pen back and draw it, as well as how his shoulder blades and arm muscles showed under his shirt.

“You know I'm a Gryffindor, we'll hate each other forever.”

“Oh well, the sexual tension between Draco and Hermione is almost palpable so I'm not so sure about that affirmation.”

“Dude, seriously?!” She laughed.

They kept talking about how Draco was the best but really the best-of-all-best will always be Sirius oh wait Snape is badass too until the class started and Clarke almost forgot about the new hot-but-no-thanks guy.

 

* * *

 

It was only in the middle of the afternoon that she got a reminder of his existence.

“I'd like to introduce our new student and Mrs Tsing's substitute teacher, Professor Blake.”

Clarke almost chocked on her tongue when the college director, Professor Kane, presented the dark haired jerk in front of them.

So not only was he a student in all her Art classes (which were like three quarters of her schedule), but he also was her Art History teacher. For sure, she was doomed. The teacher part was the worst, she made it clear she thought he was an asshole this morning and he was her _teacher_. He still got that stupid smug smile plastered on his face and it only grew larger when he saw how flustered she was.

She banged her head on her desk.

_I hate my life. No wait. I hate him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it?  
> I personally enjoyed this one because RAVEN AND CLARKE ARE BEST FRIENDS. I love those two together, their friendship is hella recurrent in my works.  
> Oh and you got some Bellamy appreciation, which is cool too.
> 
> For now the fic isn't really dark, it revolves more around college students' daily basis. But this won't last that long actually, it's gonna be a lot more angsty in the end. But for now enjoy the happiness and recklessness cause it ain't gonna last. (because I like being cruel and make them suffer. And you by extension. You're welcome.)
> 
> Kudos appreciated, comments craved.


	3. Once You Got Caught, You Can't Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clarke gets to know Bellamy a little bit more. And she's screwed.
> 
> (aren't we all by that man really?) (or do I just take my case for a generality?)
> 
> some Bellamy cockiness because I love him that way. And some light smut only involving Clarke because I love smut too much.
> 
> Enjoy.

So she got to see Professor Blake a lot. Way too much in her opinion. Being constantly torn between wanting to kill him and wanting to fuck him was quite exhausting and way too distracting. Still, she had to admit he was a good teacher. He seemed genuinely passionate by his subject which was enough to make her listen to him intently. But he also had such a desire to share his passion with them that everyone in the class hung on his every single word. Plus he was gorgeous. Okay, maybe that also was a good point. And his smug smile disappeared when he was teaching. It made him look way older and responsible as well (making her wonder over and over again how old he really was). Sometimes he was even cute, like this one time a student in her class tried to flirt with him and he got all flustered. He made a point in not getting near any of the students in Art History and that made him look like a decent human being. (except he unashamedly flirted with her an excessive amount of times despite her being his most attentive student – not that she'd ever admit it)

Still, his jerkiness didn't disappear one bit. He didn't hesitate on hooking up with half of the campus. He kept the smug smile most of the time, she also discovered his half-way grin once or twice and it was even more infuriating as it made him look even hotter. She did her best not to interact with him, not to even cross his gaze. That tactic revealed itself being useless as he was in her class on a daily basis, plus it was simply rude to ignore your teacher.

And also because he seemed to have taken a liking in annoying her. In the few classes they took together and in which Raven wasn't here with her (she was more into technology than art so they only had a few classes together), he made a pleasure to sit next to her and tease her until she had to shove him with her elbow because 1- she was so done with his shit and 2- he was going to get them kicked out. (not at all because she felt herself blush every time his low voice caressed her ears. Nor because his strong addicting smell filled the air she breathed and made her suffocate in lust. Not at all.)

She clearly remembered the first time he sat down next to her. He just got there, so natural and without a single hesitation that she didn't even realize it wasn't her usual seatmate. She was busy drawing in her margins but the strong smell of cigarettes filled in her nose and she coughed a bit, disgusted. She just ate, she didn't need to be intoxicated right after that. So she rose her head, ready to ask Jasper begrudgingly if he smoked a whole god damn pack of cigarettes because he stunk like he did, but then she met Blake's dark brown eyes instead. Her breath caught in her throat. It took her a handful of seconds to recompose herself and she tried to display surprise though she perfectly knew he caught her moment of awe. Still, his smug smile made her get back to reality.

_Remember, still an asshole._

“Can I help you?” she asked with a bit of fake politeness and a lot of scowling. He snorted a little and it was _not_ adorkable at all. Nope. Her eyes couldn't get away now that they were enraptured by his and she cursed herself for being so weak in his presence.

“Can you?”

“Is that a rhetorical question?”

“Depends on what you're gonna answer.”

She quirked and eyebrow and he fucking _winked_ at her. Who even did that anymore? Was it even allowed to look so goddamn sinful on him? And he was her _teacher_ for god's sake. Plus she hated him. Definitely hated him.

“Don't play your little flirting game on me Blake. I'm not interested.”

He snorted again at that and totally ignored her intentions on making him stop.

“Call me Bellamy.”

“I won't.”

“Why? Too shy to call me by my first name, princess?”

There it was again. _Princess_. Who even used that kind of cheesy nickname anymore? Did he live in a cave or something? He definitely needed improvement on his pick-up lines. Oh and on the whole dickhead behavior too.

“No. You're my teacher. And we're not friends. So Blake it is.”

“Fine _Clarke_.” He emphasized on her name and she saw red. He didn't flinch a bit at her glare, instead his grin got only even bigger and she felt the pulsing need to strangle him deep in her guts. She decided to give him the cold treatment, forcing her eyes to dart over her sheet and shifting so she was turned toward the other side of the desk. He didn't say anything for a peaceful (but short) minute.

“So tell me princess, are you always that cold with every guy trying to talk to you?”

“No usually I don't, but usually they aren't total pricks either.”

Both of them were surprised by her words. Damn it, she needed to calm down, he may be an asshole, he still was her professor. Still, she wasn't going to apologize so she just looked at him, waiting for his reaction which came soon enough.

He laughed. It was more like a rumble in his chest. It made a shiver run up her spine.

“Did I offend you in any way?” he asked lightly

It was her time to snort.

“Yeah right, like you don't remember that first day.”

“All I remember from that day was that you seemed quite interested in what you saw princess.”

And there it was again, that stupid wink. She would have blushed if she wasn't so pissed off.

“Well you have quite a bad memory then. And stop it with the princess thing already, what are you, twelve years old?”

The crowd of students entering for the class interrupted them and he couldn't answer her (which she secretly regretted). When Jasper entered the room, he quirked an eyebrow at Bellamy who smirked, then at Clarke who shrugged. He got on the back with a sigh, next to that small girl who was always alone, Mina or Miya, she couldn't quite remember her name.

Bellamy kept talking quietly, half turning her on, half infuriating her. And then he made it a habit, sitting next to her in three different classes and teasing her throughout half each period. She could complain he didn't let her concentrate but he did, in fact, he took a lot of notes and shushed when important stuff were said. He still always found moments to slide some snarky comments and she didn't even know how he did that. All she knew was that she could just ignore him and if she did he would stop out of boredom.

But she kept answering him.

And he kept calling her princess.

 

* * *

 

“So when do you plan on making a move on Blake?”

Clarke almost spat her drink. She coughed for a while and Raven patted uselessly on her back.

“Seriously? You want me to make a move on that jerk?”

Her best friend shrugged and downed the rest of her vodka coke in one swift gulp.

“Well yeah. You're always around each other, and even if he's a dick, he's still gorgeous.”

“We're not always around each other! He just- always sits next to me every time he got the chance to piss me the fuck off.”

“Oh god Clarke, don't tell me you're _that_ naive? Don't you get it? Boys tease the girl they like because they are too stupid to express their feelings.”

“Yeah okay, that works for middle school Raven. Not fucking college. And I'm not interested anyway. And he's my teacher too. That'd be disgusting.”

Raven rolled her eyes, asked the bartender Lincoln to give her another drink before turning to Clarke. The blond was already a bit tipsy so she giggled at her exasperated look, because she always thought it was the best look on her.

“He's not really your teacher c'mon, he's only a substitute and he's also a student by the way. And you definitely need to get laid, it've been too long since you last had sex.”

“Well thank you for keeping my sex life on a schedule.” She groaned. “Do I need to remind you that you'd need some too? And that you're stuck on Kyle since what? A year? When's _your_ move?”

Raven blushed furiously and okay maybe _that_ was the best look on her.

“Bullshit, I hate him. There's definitely nothing that could ever happen between us.”

Clarke almost teased that it was exactly what she was saying about Bellamy but that definitely wasn't a good idea. And she was too glad that she succeeded in changing the topic, she wasn't going to ruin her luck.

“Yeah, yeah, I totally believe that.”

Raven shoved her and they laughed out loud. Lincoln came to them then and they chatted easily. Lincoln was that kind of guy who look like they could break your neck with their sole pinky but are actual cinnamon rolls on the inside and she always enjoyed talking with him. Soon enough, Jasper and Monty, who were like the best buddies ever, created their own high five and had the bad habit of creating their own alcohol in Monty's dorm room, came over and they all danced and had fun. And she finally forgot the black curls and dark skin.

She even flirted with that girl, Niylah, and ended up at the older woman's apartment with the latter's head between her thighs. But then Bellamy was filling her mind once again and she couldn't help but close her eyes, imagining that it was his tongue circling her clit, his fingers entering her wetness, his curls tickling the bottom of her stomach. She came embarrassingly hard when she imagined the face he'd make while cumming inside of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not English native, still probably making wrong sentences but at least I'm trying.
> 
> So I couldn't help it, Monty and Jasper HAD to be in this fic.  
> I'm not even sorry.  
> I don't know how much importance they'll end up having but their appearance was a pleasant surprise to me, I hope it's one for you too.
> 
> Oh and I think I'll try to update this work once every weekend but I'm not sure at 100% that this will really be the case so, please, don't get your hopes too high.


	4. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely was a chapter I enjoyed writing, though I don't really know were I'm going to go from here.
> 
> More squad time!!  
> And a cutie/hottie (finally) makes their entrance!

But then he wasn't there the next day. Nor the following one. She did her best to ignore the disappointment weighting her stomach when she sat to an empty desk in Photography and when Professor Kane announced they wouldn't have Art History this week. He ended up taking a place in her life she didn't expect. Their constant bickering meant being a lot together. Clarke only realized now how she was less and less with her friends because she was so engulfed in the Bellamy Blake Mystery. So she did her best to ignore how he wasn't there and made a point in hanging out some more with her much loved group of friends.

That's how she ended up going clubbing on Saturday night and everyone was really impressed. She never was a club person, in fact she kinda hated it. All those bodies slick with sweat, _smelling_ like sweat, and that loud blasting music. She liked being able not to scream so the others could ear her and not to be smashed in a crowd of drunk people. But she wanted to have some nice time with everyone, so to hell her reluctance.

Before that, she crashed at Raven's dorm room. The second she got in, Raven forced her to look at her trying the whole content of her closet before settling down on the first dress she tried on. Then she decided that Clarke wore too many clothes and had to change in that ridiculously short and tight red dress they bought once when they were drunk. Clarke categorically refused, telling her she didn't want to sleep with half the city tonight, so her best friend settled on a slightly longer peach colored dress with an open back. The blonde usually favored comfy clothes to sexy ones, but at least she could breathe in this one.

They met the others in front of the club, Monty and Jasper already a bit drunk, Harper draped in a gorgeous white dress and that girl who always sat in the back of their Photography class. It didn't surprise her that she was there, since Jasper had to sit next to her because of Bellamy, he seemed to have taken a liking to the small brunette and she came hang out sometimes. She still couldn't put a name on her face though, only new it started with Ma-something.

 

* * *

 

The heat inside the club was suffocating. Clarke already had more than enough alcohol in her blood and slowly drifted in a pleasant haze. She sat at the bar, both Harper and her nursing a glass of whatever alcohol they asked for, while Raven drank a pineapple juice as she was the one driving them all home, safe and sound. Monty, Jasper and Maya (Clarke finally ended up asking her what was her name once she had enough drinks not to be ashamed of ignoring it anymore) were far away on the bar, chatting actively, and for once, the dark haired girl seemed to be having fun. But back to the matter in hand, Clarke, a few more drinks than needed in her system, was actually gaping at what Harper just told them.

“You slept with Bellamy?!”

Harper shrugged and laughed at Clarke's sloppy question.

“You know it really isn't a big deal, just the usual one-night stand.”

Then Clarke and Raven said simultaneously “Ew, I don't want to even imagine him having sex.” (Clarke. Which was totally a lie, she imagined it. Repeatedly.) and “So is he any good with his dick?” (Raven and her usual amount of finesse).

The blonde turned around and shot a begrudging look at her best friend. Harper looked at both of them, confused.

“C'mon Harper, tell us, how is he in bed?” insisted Raven with a broad grin.

Clarke groaned.

“He's good. But like _really_ good.” giggled the sandy blonde while the other blonde simulated puking. Raven burst out laughing but kept going with her questions.

“Is he big?”

“Reyes!!” Clarke shrieked and pressed her hands to her ears.

“What's the matter?”

“She has a huge crush on Blake but she won't admit it.” shrugged Raven and Clarke slapped her arm.

“That's definitely not true. And you,” she turned in the direction of Harper who was laughing drunkenly and pointed at her with her finger. “you disappoint me, going so low and having sex with such a jerk!”

Clarke hopped off her seat, not letting them answer (though Raven threw a “You're just jealous Griffin!” at her) and got along the bar until she caught sight of a cute girl. She might not be here to flirt, but she wasn't going to restraint either if she saw someone she liked. The girl was hot rather than cute actually. She was entirely dressed up in black, leather jacket on her shoulders and skinny jeans disappearing in long boots. She was all sharp jawline, icy blue eyes and long dark hair. (Clarke didn't go talk to her because she reminded her of Bellamy. Absolutely not.)

“Having fun yet Batman?” was her choice of pick-up line when she sat down next to her. And yeah, maybe that was the most lame pick-up line she ever used in her entire life but she was drunk okay? Give her a break.

At least the girl had the decency to laugh.

“You tell me, princess.” she smirked.

Now that felt like a huge unpleasant déjà vu.

“Ugh, please not that nickname, call me Clarke.”

“Octavia.” smiled the girl and the blonde thought it suited her really well. “what's wrong with the nickname?”

“Reminds me of that stupid guy who always calls me that.” grimaced Clarke. “So what are you doing here all alone Octavia?”

“Well I'm not alone actually, I was with my boyfriend until my stupid brother came barging in and kicked him out so the two of them could have a 'little talk'.”

“Oh. And I was there, flirting with you from the beginning, sorry.”

The blonde laughed awkwardly but Octavia didn't seem to mind.

“I figured you did.” she winked and now she couldn't look _more_ like Bellamy. “It's fine, I like guys but you seemed nice so I let you.”

Clarke laughed at that. Straight but cute and fun, this girl could definitely be a good friend.

“Can we still be friends?” asked the brunette worriedly, expressing Clarke's thoughts.

“Yeah of course! So what did you boyfriend do for your brother to kick him out?”

Octavia shrugged and downed the rest of her drink.

“He's going out with me, it's enough of a reason for my brother.”

“Wow okay, that's very.. protective of him?”

“You mean infuriatingly dumb? Fucking overprotective? Yeah. He always does that, like I'm still his baby sister who needs protection from everyone. Ugh, it's so annoying.”

“I guess it is, I'm an only child, I don't know what it's like having a big brother.”

“You should be happy you're never going to find out, it's the worst. Enough talking about me, why are _you_ alone?”

Clarke took a sip of her drink and glanced at Jasper who was now dancing energetically with Maya while Monty just laughed drunkenly, sat down at the bar while Harper joined him. She smiled fondly.

“I'm not alone, I just left my friends because they were being douche bros.”

“Who were being douche bros?” asked Raven's voice behind her and the two girls turned in her direction, both surprise.

“You and Harper.” smirked Clarke before turning to her new friend. “Octavia this is Raven, my supposedly best friend, Raven this is Batman Octavia.”

“What do you mean 'supposedly'?!” exclaimed Raven with a false hint of outrage in her voice.

They kept chatting just the three of them and it was really pleasant. Octavia was lovely, she had a lot of conversation and a snarky sense of humor. Raven seemed to love her immediately too and she already was invited to join them next Thursday at their usual bar, The Grounder. Her boyfriend's name was Atom and she was in Trikru Academy, not that far from Ark Academy where Clarke and her friends studied, in the purpose of being a Tattoo Artist. But when Clarke started talking about her Art classes, Raven couldn't help but to put Bellamy in the mix. Embarrassing her best friend had apparently became her new favorite sport.

“She has that schoolgirl crush on her seatmate since the very beginning, I swear to god, but she keeps telling herself he's a jerk because she's too scared to make a move on him.”

“I _don't_ have a crush on him.” growled Clarke, “Bellamy is an asshole, he's a womanizer and he thinks he's better than everyone else.”

“You don't say.” snorted their new friend

“See! Even Octavia thinks he his-! Wait you know Bellamy?”

“He's my overprotective dumb ass brother.” laughed Octavia and the two others looked at her in shock.

There was an awkward silence until Clarke finally processed exactly what the brunette just said.

“Oh my god. I flirted with Bellamy's sister.” she blurted out in realization.

Octavia and Raven burst in laughter. They laughed with all their heart at her expense until they were both crying and their ribs hurt.

“The face you made was priceless!” huffed Raven after she (barely) sobered up and Clarke elbowed her.

“God Octavia I'm so sorry you had to discover your brother was an assho- I mean, I-I didn't mean it when I said he was an asshole-” Raven shot her a knowing look and Clarke regretted her words immediately “wait no I totally meant it- shit..”

Her battle against words only pushed the two others back in their fit of laughter and Clarke had to wait for at least a minute, blushing and embarrassed.

“It's okay Clarke, you're forgiven.” Octavia finally said, wiping a tear under her eye.

She huffed in relief.

“So you have a crush on my brother uh?”

“Please don't tell him! I mean- it's not true..”

Now she seriously considered not drinking ever again. It didn't do her any good.

“Don't worry. If I'm not incorrect, you're the blonde chick with a snarky tongue Bell always talks about.”

Clarke blushed all the way down her neck. He talked about her to his sister. More than once. God she was fucked. But then she remembered how he wasn't here all week and curiosity took over.

“By the way, why is he not coming at the University this week? Is he sick?”

Octavia's face got blank. Whoops bad move.

“He's not sick.” was her only answer.

Clarke and Raven exchanged a look. They didn't have the opportunity to say anything though, because said person suddenly surged out of the crowd and caught Octavia's arm.

“O, I'll get you back to your dorm.”

Bellamy looked tired, a stubble crept on his cheeks and dark circles underlined his eyes. Clarke felt a tug on her heart. He wasn't sick but something was wrong. Octavia sighed angrily and freed out of his grasp.

“See you girls.” she turned to her brother then, and spat “come on big brother, see, you ruined my life once again, cheer up a bit, you achieved your goal!” before storming off her stool.

He closed his eyes, his Adam's apple bobbed before he opened them again and acknowledged Clarke and Raven's shocked expression.

“Raven. Clarke.” He nodded at each one of them before running off after his sister.

The two girls looked at each other. There was definitely more than just an overprotective brother scaring his little sister's boyfriend off story between those two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it?? I definitely wanted Clarke to interact a bit more with her friends, though we still didn't get Monty nor Jasper to talk!!
> 
> My Octavia is slightly fetus!Octavia and slightly emo!Octavia (in between running after butterflies and badass motherfucker slicing you in small pieces) because I like that alternative too!
> 
> But I missed Bellamy in this one (how do you miss a character in your own fanfiction, idek), anyway you'll get plenty of him next chapter!!
> 
> Kudos : yaaass  
> Comments : yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssss
> 
> (wanna cry with me about how we only have two episodes left before the end of season 3? How everything is going to shit and no one knows how to put things back together? How Luna is a badass but a useless one? How MONTY AND HARPER HOOKED UP WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?? anyway, come and find me on tumblr if you want to @ youreforgiven !)


	5. Are You Okay?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO what's up?
> 
> //spoiler//  
> First thing first: do we all agree that Thursday's episode was awesome? AND THAT BELLARKE IS GOING TO BE CANON IN SEASON 4?? I mean, it HAS TO HAPPEN, after that "I trust you" and "Start with Bellamy Blake"! I feel like we always see how Bellamy is committed to Clarke and not enough of the other way around, so that was nice.  
> //spoiler//
> 
> Anyway, here's your weekly dose of Bellamy worshiping just for you!

He came back on Monday. She almost blew a relieved sigh when she saw him sat down at their usual table. He still looked like he hadn't slept all week and his skin looked paler than usual. He wore an oversized hoodie and his curls were messier than usual, as if he didn't took the time to try and tame it a little when he woke up. He didn't wear his contacts for once and the heavy frames of his glasses hid dark circles she knew were there.

She sat next to him without a word, not knowing how to ask him how he was. After all, they weren't really friends. All they did was fighting constantly. They didn't even know each other well enough for her to find out he had a sister any other way than by accidentally meeting her. So, him not being okay was really none of her business. Still, she kept wanting to offer him some comfort, or even just listen to him vent. Anything really. And she really didn't feel like getting on with the bickering as if nothing happened. Not acknowledging whatever was making him look so out of character really was a jerk move.

“I can _literally_   hear you think princess. Can you please stop?”

“Ugh, sorry.” she muttered before getting her stuff out of her bag.

He sounded exasperated. Good. That, at least, was a normal emotion for Bellamy. Not hurting and starring blankly into nothing. His voice seemed a little hoarse and she thought of a hundred possibilities why it would be. Was he really not sick? Or was he smoking more cigarettes than usual? (though she never actually saw him outside Ark Academy, she knew he smoked a lot as the smell of tobacco constantly floated around him) Was he crying? Was he drinking?

“Clarke.” he hissed and it sounded weird(ly pleasant) on his tongue, like every time he said her name instead of casually calling her “princess”.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” Then she hesitated but jumped in, and to hell her uneasiness. “I was just- I- I.. I wondered why you weren't here last week?” she tried, stuttering a bit and blushing because she apparently wasn't good at being gentle with Bellamy Blake without making a fool of herself.

She looked up and his eyes were locked on her.

“You know curiosity killed the cat right?”

Okay, now the message was clear. He wasn't going to tell her anything. But if his crooked smirk told her anything else, he wanted to keep talking with her. And that was enough for her to feel slightly less awkward.

“Okay, I figured you wouldn't.” Pause. Deep breath. Heart beating fast. “But you know, if you- if you need, I don't know, someone to talk to about.. that or- or anything else, hum, I'm- I'm right here.”

Damn it, she kept tripping over her words. She felt utterly shy and self-conscious right now and stubbornly kept her eyes on her feet, definitely not wanting to see his reaction.

He surprised her with a light chuckle.

“Copy that.”

She lifted her head to find him looking straight in front of him, a fond smile still dancing on his lips and she felt her heart stop for a second. She was definitely screwed.

 

* * *

 

If she could, the one month later version of herself would have confirmed that exact thought to her past self. Oh yes she was screwed. Utterly screwed.

The first two weeks were some sort of recovery for him and somehow she always managed to be there to help. Even though their usual bickering was still a major part of their relationship (or was it a friendship now?), she stayed talking with him in the corridors a little longer than necessary, sometimes ate with him and even accompanied him smoking one day.

She half-regretted that last one, as she just came with him without thinking about the fact that it was were all the teachers (including some she had on a regular basis) took their smoking pause. It still felt weird that Bellamy was both a student and a professor, hers none the less. But the way the other teachers looked at them was weirder and she couldn't wait to get back inside. Plus it stunk like tobacco and the smell really wasn't her favorite. Except on Bellamy, but then again, everything in him apparently made what she usually liked and disliked less clear, if not completely invalid. (And she was also kinda hypnotized by how he smoked, which, really, shouldn't be a thing as it was ruining his health but whatever)

He got better everyday. On Tuesday morning, she thrust a cup of coffee in his hand when she walked past his seat in the lecture hall before joining Raven on the highest seats. The latter kept teasing her with it for a week, but Bellamy's crooked smile when he thanked her was worth hundreds of years of Raven's teasing.

She was happy to find out that whatever happened didn't affect at all the way he made his Art History classes and listened with delight at his usual ramble about how it was a shame that people didn't acknowledge enough how much Greek Mythology influenced painters through the ages. One day of the second week, his eyes caught hers during his lecture and she smiled. His eyes lit up a little and that was enough to tell her he was going to be okay.

And he ended up getting out of it eventually. Contacts were back as well as his fitting t-shirts and smug smirk. She kinda missed the nerdy Bellamy with his glasses, his beanies and his huge hoodies but it felt good too, getting the snarky, silver-tongued and overly self-confident Bellamy back.

She had gotten to discover yet another face of him in those past two weeks, and even though it was a sadder version of him, she liked it. Because it was a version with feelings, a Bellamy who could feel down and ask her for help. He let her see a little bit of what was behind this wall he always carefully kept around him.

But then they didn't get back to the usual hating each other routine and she definitely didn't miss that part. They still bickered but ended up giggling like school girls most of the time. [Pause for a second and just imagine Bellamy giggling like a school girl. That'd be hilarious. I want that for season 4.]

He told her about how 6-year-old Octavia started dreaming of becoming a tattoo artist because their mother's boyfriend of the time was one, told her how he met his best friend Nathan at a gay strip club in which he used to dance to make extra cash (she tried really hard not to imagine him dancing half naked on a stripper pole but didn't succeed so she just hoped she wasn't drooling).

She told him about Wells being abroad in the UK for his studies and how Raven could spend entire afternoons dismantling kids toys and building new weird and creepy ones with which Jasper and Monty played constantly until they broke.

So she found herself a new friend and now she just couldn't ignore anymore the way he made her feel, how his gaze made her fidget and blush, how his freckles danced in her mind before falling asleep. She didn't tell Raven nor Octavia (whom got included in the gang as easily as if she was always there) but she knew they noticed she was a lot more with him than she used to. But anyway, Raven was engulfed in her (finally) new boyfriend Kyle and was on a little cloud all the time.

And Octavia, well she was Octavia. She _always_ was on a little cloud. After Atom broke up with her (“he didn't have the balls to face Bell anymore, I guess he wasn't really worth it in the end.” she shrugged when she told them the first Thursday she came at the Grounder with them), she eventually forgave her brother, or at least talked to him again.

Octavia's integration was smooth and natural. Raven, Clarke and her were getting along pretty well and she also threw the bases of a strong friendship with Monty and Jasper since that day they started talking about Assassin's Creed. She also talked _a_ _lot_ with Lincoln who didn't seem to mind at all, if the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at her was any indication.

Now everyone was okay, at least that was what she liked to tell herself. She knew life was never that simple but she sincerely hoped no one felt lost, because even though she felt okay, she always kinda did and it really was the worst.

She hoped Bellamy didn't feel lost anymore.

(she had no idea he was completely disoriented)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I made Atom a coward, but actually, it's canon that he didn't fight Bellamy on Octavia so I guess it's still accurate. RIP season 1 boy.
> 
> As for Bellamy's sexuality (I feel like I should explain after the gay strip club thing) I like to think as him being straight, just really open so he doesn't give a shit about stripping for men. Some people like to make him bi (or gay, or pan or whatever) and I dig it too, I just have my own perception of his sexuality and I wanted to share it with you! Yay!
> 
> I don't know if I'm excited because the finale is next week or if I'm depressed because I won't have my much needed the 100 weekly dose?? What about you? Tell me on my tumblr account youreforgiven! (shameless self-advertising Ikr)


	6. Piece of Art

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't die in case you were wondering.  
> Yeah I know, I haven't updated since like forever but I got kinda busy between working for my exams (a little) and joining yet another fandom (a lot).
> 
> I AM SORRY OKAY.
> 
> Anyway, that chapter is quite long? So don't beat me up yet?  
> (you'll have plenty of reasons to do so at the end of that chapter really)

She discovered how Bellamy painted. She had seen a lot of talented people in her life but fuck, he was _good_. His style was free, fluid, graceful, breathtaking. It was a lot more abstract than hers and she admired how he completely let go when he painted.

His walls suddenly fell and she could see him bare his heart before his canvas. It was as if he released everything, as if life decided to take a pause to let him breath for a second. She hated that she couldn't do the same. Her mind too logical to let her draw without having any strict defined shapes, too wrecked to let her lose her careful control in fear of never getting it back.

She loved Art classes even more because of him. Sitting next to him while he painted was relaxing and she didn't regret that day she decided to do so instead of isolating herself in the back of the class with her earbuds plugged in for the rest of the period like she always did.

The first time she saw how he became so different while he painted, she didn't even touch her canvas for half an hour, just watching the freedom tinted with sadness invading him. She never saw him so vulnerable, even during what she liked to call his “getting-the-cocky-asshole-back-on-his-feet” period. (when she told him about the name she gave those two weeks, he snorted and bumped her shoulder with his, making her blush uncontrollably)

She wondered how many other faces he had and if she'll ever discover them. One thing was sure, despite the usual Bellamy being too full of himself, his teacher, nerdy and artistic sides made him so profoundly human she wondered if he even had limits in his heart like every normal human being. How came she ever thought he didn't have any deepness?

He noticed she was watching him intently. She was prepared for his usual cocky grin he sported whenever he caught her staring. But instead, he simply looked at her and there were constellations in his eyes.

She was definitely falling for him.

She started drawing him during Art classes. He was so concentrated on his paint he almost never caught her. She didn't even bother anymore to take her painting stuff and only armed herself with her sketchbook, a paper-pen and black charcoal. She liked getting little glimpses of different parts of his face: sometimes she drew the sharpness of his jaw, sometimes the shape of his nose and eyes and wild curls, sometimes the freckles splattered all over his face (she reproduced these ones so often she knew them by heart). When she drew him entirely she needed hours and hours because she wanted it to look absolutely perfect. But it was totally worth it.

 

* * *

 

Everything would have just kept going at it's slow pace between the two of them, if it wasn't for that stupid party. Or that's what Clarke assumed, because, who knows, maybe things probably would have ended up the same way.

She was at the Grounder on Thursday night, laughing her ass off with Raven as they watched Jasper and Monty replaying the entirety of Titanic in five minutes. Maya and Harper left to have a Saw marathon at Harper's apartment and Clarke didn't know if she was more bugged by the close relationship they had developed or the fact that two sweet girls like them were fond of creepy-gore-horror movies. Octavia had volunteered to go and take their drinks just so she could talk to Lincoln but that part wasn't a surprise for anyone.

She came back, hands full of their drink and sat down next to Clarke with a huff. Jasper and Monty threw themselves on their drink and the dark-haired girl looked at them fondly.

“So guys, I was wondering, next week my brother's best friend Nate is throwing a party at his house. And he kinda invited me, saying I could bring whoever I wanted. I already asked Lincoln but I wanted to know if you'd like to tag along?”

Both Raven and Clarke just threw simple yeahs and smiles while Jasper and Monty cheered and made their secret high-five before even saying yes. Octavia's smile was huge and was totally worth it.

Except now Clarke was stuck in a mall, Raven excitedly tugging on her hand to guide her in yet another shop on Saturday afternoon, cursing herself for not thinking that Bellamy would _obviously_ be there. Cursing herself for not thinking that Raven would fall to the same conclusion and decide she had to be the prettiest ever for this party. So they spent the entire afternoon, running from shop to shop, the blonde reluctantly following her electrified best friend.

Octavia didn't tag along because she hated shopping and Clarke was very offended by that argument because did _she really look like she enjoyed this torture either_? The brunette didn't leave her a choice anyway. They ended up finding a nice simple black skirt that was styled like Japanese school-uniforms and a pair of red high heels Clarke was sure she would never wear again.

Then they came back to Raven's dorm and the brunette gave her a silk purple button down. Clarke joked how she was going to look like a good christian, Raven answered “not with those heels, these will make you look like a god damn walking sin”. And she was right, her legs looked crazy good because of them and the outfit was classy and casual enough for it to not seem too much. Plus, the button down made her boobs look really nice and she decided to leave one button open, just to show up a bit of cleavage.

When they arrived at the address Octavia gave them, the music was already blasting loud enough that they could hear it outside. A couple was making out in the bushes and the two girls giggled. The door opened on a tall dark guy, a beanie shoved down to his eyebrows.

“And you are?”

“Raven and Clarke, Octavia's friends” smiled the brunet and the tall guy nodded slightly

“Hi, I'm Miller, well Nathan, it's just that everyone calls me Miller except the Blakes. Anyway, make yourself at home.”

And that was how Clarke found herself with a glass filled with tequila, slightly buzzed and dancing with Harper on the dance floor when she caught a sight of Bellamy. He had that huge goofy smile she saw him with only twice, both when he was talking about Octavia. He was talking with Miller, just getting out of the kitchen.

She told Harper she needed a refill before striding over him. He still didn't saw her and she kinda itched to see his reaction to how she looked like (she would never admit that in front of Raven). His unruly curls were as appealing as usual and seeing him smile like that did things to her insides. Suddenly his eyes landed on her.

She brutally stopped her strides and someone almost bumped in her. She couldn't care less. His eyes dropped to her body, taking her in, gaze lingering on her breast for a second too long. She sucked a breath in. His eyes came back to hers and they were hooded as he flicked his tongue on his lips. She felt suddenly extremely self-aware and hesitated to come over. She was sure if got closer to him the sexual tension would become way too unbearable and one of them might end up acting on it.

She didn't want to be that girl. The friend that became a one-time drunk hook up at a party. She didn't want to be one in so many. Not with him. She knew that for sure deep down inside of her, since the very beginning even when she wasn't even ready to accept it. So she turned on her heels and went straight to the entry hall, not really knowing where else to go.

She was considering walking back home or calling a taxi when a big hand wrapped around her wrist.

“Clarke?”

She spun around to find herself drowning in dark brown eyes.

“Hi Blake.” she huffed weakly, feeling her heart ridiculously speeding up.

He groaned, shaking his head with a wince.

“Back at it again are we? I thought we got past the surnames.” He said it with twinkling eyes and a half-smirk, making her definitely melt and forget why she even wanted to get away from him in the first place. She shrugged and gave him a half-smile of her own.

“You'll always be Blake to me.” she stuck her tongue out and he let go of her wrist with a small laugh.

“So what are you doing here?”

She quirked an eyebrow. “You mean here in the entry or here in general?”

“Both?”

“I was searching for the bathroom and your sister invited me and the rest of the group.” she tried not to look him in the eye when she lied because she was sure he would have been able to decrypt it in her eyes. If he noticed the false notes in her voice, he didn't show it.

“Alright, I know this house as if it was mine, over there.” He started getting up the stairs in the corner of the small room and she found herself obliged to follow him. If she was going to lie, better stick to it.

Once up the stairs, the sounds of the party and really loud music were quite well muffled and no lights were on. It felt really secretive and Clarke felt suddenly nervous.

 _C'mon he's only showing you were the bathroom is, calm down you idiot._ Scolded her inner voice.

Once they were almost at the end of the corridor when she heard shuffling and quiet laughter from the stairs. She looked over her shoulder to see Octavia and Lincoln very tangled in each other. The thing in itself wasn't that surprising, in fact her first thought was _finally_. But then she remembered how Bellamy seemed to chase away every single one of Octavia's boyfriends, how tattooed/muscular/big Lincoln was when really he was just the biggest gummy bear in the world. She quickly made the equation: Bellamy could definitely not see that.

She opened the first door at hand, pulled him in, making him squeak in a very manly way, and closed the door by pushing his body against it. She huffed in relief before realizing how he was totally going to misinterpret what she just did. As well as how her body was literally pressed into him in the most intimate (and delicious) way. She looked up at his face. He was looking at her, pupils blown, strands of hair falling in them. His heart under her hand was beating abnormally fast but she was sure hers wasn't doing any better.

“That is a bedroom princess, not the bathroom.”

“I figured that much thanks.” she muttered, only a few inches separating their faces.

His shallow breath fanned on her face and she shuddered slightly. He smelled of cigarette and alcohol and she found herself craving for him. She wanted to taste his skin, taste his lips, touch every single inch of his skin. She suddenly felt overheated and their lips were way too close.

“Clarke.” His voice was rough and breathy.

She slightly reached up and finally fused their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNOW IT'S A CLIFFHANGER I HATE THEM TOO I AM SORRY DON'T HURT ME ; -;
> 
> It just was going to be way too long if I kept going okay!  
> You should have the next chapter next week, I won't disappear for a whole month again I promise.
> 
> Also I put a ten chapters limit because I think I might be able to do the rest in that much, though I'm not sure so it might be longer.
> 
> Anyway, I really enjoy some kudos but really comments make me all happy on the inside so please? Leave a small word for me, even if it's to just say hi or tell me how much you love your cat, Idc just talk to me!


	7. NOT A CHAPTER

Heya heya! I know I said I wouldn't disappear for an entire month again, but hey, at least I kept my promise : I disappeared for two months instead!  
The thing is, life hasn't been really nice with me those past few months so I've been quite preoccupied, plus, I lost my inspiration for this fic.  


May we meet again ;;;)


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